You're Still the One
by Reese M
Summary: It's been eight years since we last saw Helen Stewart and Nikki Wade standing outside Chix. Ever wonder what happened to them? What their lives have been like since? This is my answer to those questions.
1. Chapter 1

Author's Note: This is my first Bad Girl's story and I'm trying something new with it's style. Let me know what you think. And of course, I don't own Bad Girls or any of the characters. I write simply for my own enjoyment. :) And let's face it, the Helen and Nikki story arch ended in a way that just begged for fan fiction. lol.

~Reese

* * *

A gentle breeze wafted in through the slightly opened window. It's early morning chill causing gooseflesh to prickle Helen's bare skin. She shivered slightly before snuggling a little further under the duvet. In the back of her mind she knew she needed to get up, but it irritated her when she woke up before the alarm clock, especially after getting to sleep so late the night before. Helen Stewart was not a morning person. Rolling over to her other side, her hazel eyes still closed against the early morning light, Helen reached out for the warmth and familiarity of her lover. The taller woman's scent lingered on the sheets, but the fabric felt cool to the touch. A frown appeared on Helen's face as her hand ran over the smooth fabric of the pillow. Pulling the pillow close, Helen cuddled it for a little while longer before finally opening her eyes. She sighed deeply. Though it did happen from time to time she didn't like waking up without Nikki by her side.

As she got out of bed she reached for her dressing gown and pulled it on as she wondered where Nikki was. Stepping out into the hall she listened carefully to the early morning sounds of her home, a soft smile started to pull at her lips as she padded towards the stairs as she allowed the wash of warmth their home offered her to wrap around her. As she reached the bottom of the stairs the smell of coffee hit her and Helen's smile brightened. She followed her nose to the kitchen, but her smile faded when she didn't find Nikki in her usual spot at the table. Over the years the Scotswoman had grown accustom to her partner's habits, and even found them comforting when the world outside seemed so shook up. For a moment she actually thought about calling out for Nikki, but then thought better of it.

Walking over to the coffee pot Helen reached for her favorite mug and as she did so she caught a glimpse of Nikki in their back garden. She was sitting on the back steps with her own cup of coffee smoking her only cigarette of the day. Nikki had decided to quit a few years ago. She'd tried really hard, and had given it up for the most part. Now she only smoked one in the morning, and a few more when stress was really high. Helen smiled as she took the opportunity to watch her lover for a few stolen moments. It still amazed her, their lives together and everything that had brought them to this point. It had only been eight years since Nikki's release from Larkhall. Eight years since Helen had seen Nikki thanking her on the national news. Eight years since she'd gone to Chix to tell Nikki that she loved her. Eight years of ups and downs, joy and heartbreak, loving and fighting.

As the Scotswoman stood in their kitchen watching the love of her life through the window as Nikki soaked up the last few remaining warm summer mornings, Helen's mind traveled back to that night, the night she'd finally admitted to herself and Nikki that she loved her, wanted her, and that she would stop running away from her. Her smile returned as she replayed the events. Come to think of it, she'd awaken early that morning to find Nikki's side of the bed empty too.

* * *

The sound of London buzzed all around them but Helen didn't notice. Her mind, her body, even her very soul were completely engrossed in the woman who's arms were wrapped tightly around her. When she and Nikki finally managed to come up for air they simply smiled as they stared into each other's eyes. They were both afraid to say anything, to even move, They were afraid that it was all a dream and if they disturbed the moment they'd wake up alone in their beds, one in an empty flat and the other a small cell.

It was Nikki who finally steeled up the courage to ask, "This is real, isn't is? You're really here with me? Loving me? Cause if this is a dream it's the cruelest nightmare ever."

Helen nodded her head slowly as she reached up to caress Nikki's face. It felt wonderful beyond words to do something as simple as touch Nikki without worrying that they'd get caught. "It's real, Nikki. I'm here, with you, loving you, and I'm not going anywhere."

Nikki smiled as tears welled in her dark eyes. She held Helen a little tighter as if she'd disappear if she let her go. "Do you remember the promise I made to you?"

A light blush colored Helen's cheeks as she nodded. How could she forget? Nikki had no idea how many nights she'd gone to sleep with those very words floating through her mind and the dreams they pulled from her subconscious. Her blush darkened a little when she thought about the nights were those words had affected her while awake too, the nights she'd fallen asleep flushed and with Nikki's name on her lips.

"Would we still be taking it slow if I said I wanted to take you home right now so I could keep my promise?" Nikki asked, her voice low and husky and yet there was a flutter of uncertainty. She brushed lightly at Helen's flushed cheeks. Later when she was feeling a little more sure of it all, she'd ask what had made her beautiful love flush so prettily. But for now all she could do was think of the fear knotting in her stomach like a lead weight as she waited for Helen's to reply.

"You are a woman of your word." Helen answered as she raked her nails through the hair on the nape of Nikki's neck. "We have all night to take it slow."

A bright grin appeared on Nikki's face when she caught the deeper meaning of what Helen was saying. Leaning in she kissed the shorter woman tenderly. Taking Helen by the hand a few moments later, Nikki lead her back to the club. "I need to say goodbye and thanks to everyone first, but I'll make it quick."

An hour later Helen was leading Nikki into her flat. She watched as Nikki looked around and smiled. It was certainly different then the last time she'd let Nikki in. The longing and desire still swirled in the air around them, but this time there was no dire sense of urgency. There was no looming return to Larkhall hanging over their heads, no fear of getting caught, no turmoil over never knowing if they'd have another night together.

Reaching out Nikki caught Helen's arm and pulled her close. She held the shorter woman in her arms and kissed her. It was a passionate kiss full of promise and possibilities. When they parted for air Nikki smiled softly, "Just making sure you're still real."

Helen returned the smile as she ran her hands up and down Nikki's back. "Feel free to do that whenever you need." She kissed Nikki softly, her hands running up Nikki's back and into her hair. God how she loved the feel of Nikki's hair sliding though her fingers. "I love you, Nicola."

"I love you, Helen." Nikki whispered.

There was a tremor in Nikki's voice that made Helen pull back a little so she could hold Nikki's face in her hands. She stared into Nikki's eyes for a moment before kissing her softly and wrapping her arms around her neck, which allowed Nikki to wrap hers around Helen's waist. The soft reassuring kiss quickly became more heated as passion and desire flared to life. When Nikki deepened the kiss, Helen moaned. When Helen pushed Nikki's jacket off her shoulders and started to undo the buttons on her blouse, Nikki moaned. Before long the women were making their way to Helen's bedroom, clothes, shoes, and their fears left behind them in a messy trail.

Everything about the way they made love this time was different. They explored each other's bodies in slow, reverent ways, but they also playfully teased and gave into more burning, almost desperate needs. Nikki discovered Helen was ticklish and savored her lover's girlish giggles like a fine piece of chocolate. Helen found another beauty mark on the small of Nikki's back that she couldn't believe she'd missed last time. Nikki learned that if she blew a cool breath over Helen's nipple while it was wet from her affections, Helen made the most amazing sound as she gasped a short breath. Helen figured out that if she curled her fingers at just the right moment, at just the right angle, Nikki called out her name in the sexist way she'd ever heard her name spoken before.

The sun had started to turn the dark night sky grey when the two women collapsed for the final time in blissful and satisfied exhaustion. As Helen finally gave in to the pulls of sleep she thought about the feeling of Nikki's arm wrapped around her. She thought about how perfectly she fit into Nikki, their bodies pressed together leaving no space, and yet there was no sense of crowding. She simply fit perfectly into the curve of Nikki's taller frame. It really was as if they'd been made for each other. When Helen finally fell asleep she was smiling, a single tear squeezed from the corners of her closed hazel eyes.

Hours later when she felt the full warmth of the sun's rays on her bare skin, Helen cuddled into the warmth of her bed. Her mind was cloudy with sleep and lingering pleasure as she flipped over to her other side, eyes still closed, smile slowly returning as thoughts of her night with Nikki returned. When she reached out for her lover and found the other side of the bed empty, panic quickly filled her heart. Had it all been a dream? Another heart wrenching dream. Opening her eyes as she sat up in bed, Helen took stock of things. She was undressed, she never slept nude. The room smelled of sex, and the pillow she pulled to her chest smelled of Nikki. So did she for that matter, and that's what made her sigh in relief. It hadn't been a dream, it had been real, but where was Nikki?

Getting out of bed the Scotswoman grabbed the black silk dress shirt Nikki had been wearing the day before and slipped it on. She buttoned the shirt as she walked out of the room, smiling at the smell of Nikki's perfume that lingered on it and the fact that it hung to her thighs. She smirked at the idea of wearing Nikki's clothes, and then giggled knowing there was no way Nikki would be able to wear hers without looking a little silly.

Not finding Nikki in the lounge Helen headed for the kitchen. The smell of freshly brewed coffee made her moan with pleasure and she smiled. If Nikki got up every morning to make her coffee Helen would love her forever, then again she was pretty sure she'd love the tall dark haired woman forever anyway. That sudden thought caused Helen to stop in her tracks. She'd never thought that before, not with Sean, certainly not with Thomas who had just been a way of lying to herself about her feeling for Nikki. But with Nikki she could see the future, their future. It actually scared the hell out of her, but in a good way. At least now she was actually thinking beyond just tomorrow. Until now the future had been Nikki's appeal, now that Nikki was free, now that they were together, the future was wide open and waiting.

It was the cool breeze that ruffled the hem of Nikki's shirt about her thighs that brought Helen out of her thoughts. She blinked once and then looked over at the back door, it was open a little. Walking over she carefully opened it the rest of the way and glanced out into the back garden. Nikki was sitting on her tiny garden steps with a coffee mug setting beside her and a half smoked fag between her fingers. Nikki's head was down and Helen took the moment to run her eyes over the contours of Nikki's body, that's when she noticed the slight hitch in her breathing. Then she heard the sniffle. Helen's heart broke as she stepped outside and over to Nikki. She moved the coffee mug so she could sit beside the taller woman and then carefully reached out to turn Nikki's face towards her own. Tears streaked Nikki's face, her eyes shining with tears still welling up, and Helen's heart crumbled completely.

"Sweetheart?" She said softly as she brushed at Nikki's cheeks with her thumbs as she cradled her lover's face in her hands. "Sweetheart, what's the matter?"

Nikki saw the fear and pain flash in Helen's eyes and across her beautiful face and it killed her. Dark eyes went wide a little when Nikki thought that Helen might think she regretted last night or something. Leaning in she kissed Helen tenderly, reassuringly, and then when she pulled back she took Helen's hands into her own and drew them to her chest. "I'm free, Helen."

Helen let out the breath she hadn't known she'd been holding, her fear and insecurity fading slowly as she tightened her hold on Nikki's hands. "Yes love, you're free. A little surreal still?"

"Unbelievably so." Nikki admitted. She raised their clasped hands to her mouth and kissed Helen's before letting one go. She kept a tight hold as she rested their clasped hands in her lap. She used her free hand to brush at Helen's hair before turning to look out over the unkempt garden. "I woke up this morning still thinking I was in my cell. My heart clenched so painfully over the thought that last night had been a dream that I'd gasped. Then I felt you beside me and it all came rushing back. I was free. I was with you, waking up with you, in your room, in your bed, in your flat. I wasn't in my pissy little cell, in that fucking bloody shithole."

Helen wanted to interrupt to correct Nikki. It wasn't her bed, her room, her flat. It was their bed, their room, their flat, but she didn't. She knew Nikki needed to get this off her chest so she just reached out and began to gently comb her fingers through the back of Nikki's hair.

"I felt so unbelievably good, so bloody giddy that I think I giggled." Nikki continued. "I don't bloody giggle." She smiled a little as a blush colored the bridge of her nose. "I laid there for a long time just smiling like a bloody idiot while I watched you sleep. You're so beautiful when you sleep, Helen, so angelic. The first real bit of shock hit me then. I needed to get up, to move about, and I didn't want to wake you so I got out of bed really carefully. It hit me that there was no rush in waking you. We could sleep all day if we wanted to and we wouldn't have to worry about the police busting in the door. Then I went to the bathroom and from there it was like walking through an electrical storm. I could do whatever I wanted, no one was telling me when to get up, when to shower, when to piss, when to eat. I was making coffee, humming to myself and suddenly I started to tremble, then I started bawling like a baby. I'm surprised I didn't make a right mess out of your kitchen."

When Nikki stopped Helen knew it was all right to speak. She squeezed Nikki's hand as she continued the soothing manipulations on the back of her neck. Her own eyes were showing signs of welling tears as she gave Nikki a soft, loving smile. "It all happened so fast, Nikki. Even with all the waiting, all the hoping it would happen; it actually happening was still a shock to the system. It'll take time for you to adjust to even the smallest of things, but you will and I'll be right here to help you."

Nikki sighed in relief. Her shoulders shagged a little as she leaned closer to Helen.

"What is it sweetheart?" Helen asked as she wrapped an arm around Nikki's shoulder.

"I was half afraid you'd say we had to get back to Larkhall." Nikki replied.

Helen wrapped both arms around Nikki and held her tight. She kissed the top of Nikki's head and closed her eyes to ward off her own fears and looming tears. "Never again." She said softly. "I'm never losing you to that place again. I don't ever want to lose you to anything again, Nikki."

Nikki pulled away just enough to look into Helen's hazel eyes. She stared into them as if she could search Helen's heart, her very soul for the truth and amazingly enough she found it. "You mean that."

"With everything I am." Helen replied. "I've put you through hell being a right sodding idiot. I'm sorry for the pain I caused you."

"It wasn't one sided, darling." Nikki replied as she reached up to caress Helen's face. "I didn't make your life easy."

Helen laughed softly, "No, but it was worth it, you're worth it all and then some."

Nikki leaned in and kissed Helen softly. She kept their foreheads pressed together, her lips hovering close to Helen's as she breathed, "I love you Helen Stewart."

"I love you Nicola Wade." Helen replied.


	2. Chapter 2

With her coffee mug in hand Helen made her way out the back door and over to the steps where Nikki was sitting. She sat next to Nikki without saying a word. She took a sip from her mug and then placed it beside her before leaning into Nikki's side. Nikki put her arm around Helen and held her close, causing Helen to sigh happily and smile as her eyes closed.

After several minutes of sitting together in silence Helen finally said, "Good morning sweetheart. I missed you this morning."

Nikki leaned in and kissed Helen softly before brushing at her hair. Helen had grown her hair out and stopped coloring it, it was long, wavy, and such a rich brown that it reminded Nikki of the finest milk chocolate. Nikki loved it. "Good morning, darling. Sorry about that. I figured you could use the extra sleep and I just couldn't lie there awake."

"It's alright, and it was nice having a lie in." Helen said as she picked up her coffee mug after kissing Nikki again. "We didn't get much sleep last night."

The little smirk on Helen's face made Nikki laugh. "You started it."

"Yes I did." Helen replied with a satisfied nod of her head and a bright smile. Life tended to get in the way of alone time for them so Helen was more then willing to take any chance she got to be with Nikki. They were a lot of things in their lives and it was important to her that being lovers never got lost in the mix.

Nikki laughed at the look on Helen's face. Leaning in she kissed the Scotswoman, which Helen deepened, and then Nikki pulled the younger woman into her lap. She sighed a soft moan when Helen wrapped her arms around her neck. Helen was the only woman she wanted, would ever want and even after all this time she knew Helen felt the same about her. When they pulled apart Nikki tucked Helen's hair behind her ears and then smirked. "You don't suppose we could go back to bed do you?"

"Sorry sweetheart," Helen replied as she kissed the tip of Nikki's nose. "We've got a long day ahead of us." Helen made no move to get up from Nikki's lap. She was perfectly comfortable and snug. "I'm actually surprised we got to lie in as long as we did."

Nikki nodded and titled her head as if she were listening for something. "I'll start breakfast, why don't you grab your shower while you can."

Helen nodded then leaned in and kissed Nikki before getting up with a soft sigh. Holding out her hand she helped Nikki to her feet and then headed back inside still holding her hand. After one final kiss once back in the kitchen Helen went back up stairs to shower.

With her eyes closed, the hot water from her shower beating down on her, Helen thought about those first few month after Nikki's release. They'd barely left the flat for the first few days. It had amazed Helen at the time that she could love someone so completely, so naturally, so honestly, and yet know very little about her. So she'd taken in every detail about Nikki no matter how big or how small. She memorized how Nikki liked her coffee, her tea, what she put on her toast. Black, milk two sugars, and she liked English muffins with a bit of butter and marmalade over toast. She absorbed every movement of every muscle as Nikki walked, reached for something, or just slept. She asked countless questions like what Nikki's favorite movie was as a kid, what was her favorite take away food, did she like dogs or cats. Bringing Up Baby, Thai, dogs and always wanted an English bulldog but Trish was allergic. And since Nikki wanted to know just as much about Helen as she wanted to know about Nikki the questions and observations went both ways. Milk three sugars, milk two sugars, blackberry preserves, The Black Stallion, Indian, both and she had a ginger cat named Oliver when she was little.

For that first week nothing outside of Helen's flat mattered. What mattered was the two of them getting to know each other, and getting to know themselves again. Helen had changed a lot over the last three years. She was stronger, less sheltered, more at ease in her own skin, and a whole lot more honest with herself. She'd once told Nikki that she'd turned her world upside, but truth be told Nikki had set it right side up. Before Nikki, Helen's life had been going so fast it was all kind of a blur. With Nikki she'd slowed down. She even learned to enjoy Sunday mornings, which had just been another day to work before Nikki came along.

* * *

The Sunday paper was scattered all over the coffee table along with coffee mugs and half eaten muffins while one of Nikki's many new CD's played in the background. Helen cuddled a little closer to Nikki, careful not to disturb the section of the paper her lover was reading, and sighed contently. Nikki was devouring another book review while she scanned the travel section. She wasn't really paying much attention to any of the articles; she was to focused on the feeling of having Nikki close. It still seemed like a dream and there were still moments when they were both afraid that it was, but as reality slowly sunk in the more relaxed they each got.

Though she took comfort in knowing that Nikki was real and with her, reality also brought with it the outside world. She was still jobless, and Nikki had no idea what she was going to do beyond spending her days and nights with Helen. They hadn't talked about wither Nikki would live with Helen, if she'd go back to work at the club, or anything of importance really. And for once in her life Helen was alight with this, she wasn't in any rush to micro-manage her life.

Turning the page of the section of paper she was pretending to read Helen caught sight of one of the larger pictures. She didn't know where it was, only that it looked exotic. This prompted another of her sudden-out-of-the-blue questions she'd been asking a lot of lately. "Nikki," She began and then paused to wait for the grunt that meant Nikki was listening. "Was there ever any place in particular that you use to fantasize about going while you were in Larkhall?"

Nikki looked up from her review and down at Helen. "Other than just being out of there?"

Helen nodded as she shifted so she could look Nikki in the eyes. "If you could have escaped to any place in the world where would you have gone?"

The dark haired beauty smirked as she replied, "You're front door."

Helen smiled though she was also rolling her eyes. "Ok smartarse, if we could go on holiday anywhere in the world right now, where would you want to go?"

"Some place exotic." Nikki finally replied. "Some place far away from it all so it was only the two of us."

Helen nodded her agreement. Even though Nikki was free they were still playing it safe. They didn't want to come right out and announce their relationship this close to Nikki's release because they didn't want to give Fenner a chance to twist it to his advantage. They would take it slow for that reason as well as to give Helen time to adjust. She'd only been a self admitted lesbian for a relatively short time after all, and the life style would take a little getting use too. Her life was about to take some major twists and turns because of Nikki. For one she had to tell her father, who just happened to be a minster so she knew he wouldn't take the news well. She'd have to tell her friends, some of whom she didn't see having to big an issue, some she wasn't sure about. Then there was the inevitable finding out by the people back at Larkhall.

Helen suddenly sat up, "Lets do it Nikki."

"Do what?" Nikki asked as she looked at Helen oddly.

"Lets go on holiday." Helen replied. "Lets get away from London, away from England, lets go somewhere far away and out of reach for awhile. We can get to know each other outside of all this and then come back and really start with a new beginning."

A slow smile started to curl at Nikki's lips. "Are you serious?"

"Dead serious." Helen replied as her excitement grew. "Anywhere we want, I've got this holiday fund that I started just before I graduated Uni. I've only used it once." After Sean's little fire bug act in the Larkhall garden, but she wouldn't add that just than. It would have only upset Nikki. "There's still plenty to cover a proper holiday."

Helen's excitement was starting to spread. "I'd have to check my passport, but…"

Before Nikki could finish Helen leaned in and kissed her passionately before jumping up. "I'll stop at an agent on my way back from the market."

Several hours later when Helen came home she had a large stack of brochures for her and Nikki to go through together. She was still excited over the idea of going on holiday with Nikki but the shock over her spontaneous impulse was starting to set in. It wasn't like her to simply decide to go off on a trip, and she certainly wasn't the type to decide to do something like this when she was out of work. The only reason Helen wasn't freaking out about it was because she was the type of person to save for more then just a rainy day; Helen Stewart saved for monsoon season.

Walking into the kitchen Helen stopped just short of calling out Nikki's name after not finding her in the lounge. The tall dark haired woman she'd completely lost her heart too, but found her soul in, in return, was sitting at the table with a notebook writing. Nikki looked so engrossed in what she was doing that Helen didn't want to disturb her. She was about to turn around and go back into the other room when Nikki looked up at her.

"Sorry darling," Nikki said softly. "I didn't hear you come in."

Helen smiled as she sat the bag of groceries on the table. "It's alright sweetheart. You looked pretty serious for a moment there, you alright?"

Nikki looked down at the notebook and what she'd been writing and then looked up at Helen. "Yeah, I'm alright. I hope you don't mind. I wanted to write to Barbara and found this in a supply bag on your desk."

"Of course I don't mind." Helen replied as she moved closer to Nikki. She sat on the edge of the table and then reached out to brush at Nikki's short dark hair. "Did you finish your letter?"

"I never started it." Nikki answered as she glanced at the notebook again before looking into Helen's hazel eyes. "I just started writing. Most of it's about the last three years, about Larkhall. I think I'm starting to understand why Barbara keeps her journal."

"Writing about it helped then?" Helen asked.

Nikki nodded.

"Then we'll make sure you have all the notebooks you need." The smaller woman said as she caressed her lover's cheek. She'd known it would be an adjustment for Nikki and that she'd have a lot to process. She was glad Nikki had found an outlet to help her with it all. She would be there for her of course, but Helen knew there would be some things, some emotions, that Nikki had to work out on her own first.

Nikki smiled brightly as she stood up. Leaning down she kissed Helen firmly and then wrapped her arms around her love. "Have I told you today how much I love you?"

That made Helen smile. "Not since before I left, but I never tire of hearing it."

"I love you." Nikki said as she held Helen close.


	3. Chapter 3

They'd ended up going on a safari in South Africa for that first holiday together. They'd stayed in a spa resort that Nikki had taken to calling a mud palace. They'd gone on guided tours, shopped in local village markets, and even went on a safari. It had been just what they'd needed to relax and really connect. They'd been free to express emotions bottled up by three years at Larkhall and the lingering fear that something might still go wrong. Helen hadn't totally trusted Fenner not to try something even though she and Nikki were out of his hair. It had been one of the best trips Helen had ever taken, even if she had been nearly eaten by a cheetah. Ok so the cat was with it's handler, but she'd still been petting it when it suddenly moved. The thought of herself backed up against the wall of the building behind her, inching slowly away from the cat, and Nikki laughing her arse off when the handler said it was alright if Helen just moved, made Helen smile as she stepped into their bedroom to get dressed. There was even a picture down in their lounge that another tourist in their group had taken and sent to them.

When they'd gotten back from South Africa Nikki had gotten her own place and they started dating more openly. Nikki had needed the secure space having her own apartment provided, but in reality they barely spent a night apart. They really had taken things slow and it had been wonderful, if not a little stressful for Helen. She'd started coming out to her more open-minded friends, like Claire who hadn't been surprised at all. Apparently Claire had had her suspicions back in university, and chalked up Helen's self-denial to her upbringing, and her true nature as the reason why she had such god-awful taste in men. Having Claire's support meant a lot to Helen, it along with Nikki's, helped her to face the rest of friends. There were different degrees of reaction from her other friends, the worst of which just reaffirmed her desire not to tell her father. Nikki had understood her reluctance up to a point. When Helen started avoiding her father's calls and coming up with excuse after excuse not to go see him, Nikki had called her out on it. It had been their first really big row since the night she'd taken Nikki back to Larkhall. Helen didn't have a large family. She'd been an only child; her mother had died when she was young, so all she had was her father, a maternal aunt, and Nikki. Than she realized that if she kept everyone apart, they couldn't really be a whole family, now could they?

Helen had decided to try her luck with her mother's older sister first. She and Nikki had driven to Dover, where her aunt had settled while Helen was at university, to spend the weekend at the seaside bed and breakfast the older woman ran with her husband. Her Aunt Fionnula had been the closest thing Helen had to a mother after her own mother's passing, so it wasn't surprising when the elder redhead had taken Helen aside the evening they'd arrived to ask her what was on her mind. Much to Helen's surprise and relief her aunt had been totally accepting of her news. She'd given Helen the love and support she'd needed to bolster her courage when it came to her father.

* * *

"Sweetheart." Helen said softly as she cuddled next to Nikki. She loved the feel of their naked bodies pressed together as they snuggled. Having Nikki hold her like this made her world feel right, and it made Helen feel totally safe and loved. "Do you have any plans this weekend?"

"No," Nikki replied as she combed her fingers through Helen's hair. "Why? Got something in mind?"

Helen bit the inside of her lip before shifting a little so she could look at Nikki. "I was thinking we'd take the train up to Scotland."

Nikki simply looked at Helen for several moments. She could see the emotions in Helen's beautiful hazel eyes and knew without a doubt why Helen suddenly wanted to head north. She'd been watching the internal struggle playing out in her lover's eyes ever since their trip to the seaside. "Are you sure?"

"I want to tell my father about us, Nikki." Helen replied. "I want him to meet you, and I want him to know that I want a life with you. You were right; I can't hide from him like this. It isn't fair to any of us."

Leaning in Nikki kissed Helen softly. "Then we head to Scotland this weekend."

William Stewart had been more then a little surprised when Helen had called to say she was coming home for the weekend, but he was also very pleased. It had been far to long since he'd seen her. What surprised him even more was that Helen had said she was bringing someone with her.

"Dad?" Helen called out as she opened the front door.

William smiled. "'ere lass."

Helen couldn't help but smile when she saw her father coming out of the lounge to greet her at the door. Helen looked like her mother, but she got her eyes from her dad. William Stewart was a broad shouldered man, tall, with rusty red hair and beard, and sparkling hazel eyes. His face was aged, a bit weather worn, Helen noted this deeper set crows feet and smile lines, but she still thought he was very handsome. Without hesitation she quickly closed the distance between them and hugged him tightly. "Hi Dad."

"'ello lass." William replied as he hugged his daughter tight. A moment later he pulled away so he could hold her at arms length and look her over. "You're looking well, lass." He couldn't help but smile. "Better then I've seen you in while."

Helen beamed brightly and then looked over at Nikki who was standing near the door. "With good reason, Dad. I want you to meet someone." Pulling out of her father's grip Helen moved over to Nikki. "Dad, this is Nicola Wade; Nikki my father William Stewart."

"Nicola." The old Scot greeted as he held out his hand. "A pleasure to meet you."

"You as well Mr. Stewart." Nikki said as she shook his hand firmly. "Helen speaks of you often. It's nice to put a man to the stories."

Helen could feel the knot in her stomach tighten painfully. She felt it forming in the very pit of her stomach the moment they'd stepped foot on the train last night. She wanted her father and Nikki to like each other, and perhaps they would until she told her father about their real relationship.

"Come in, come in, you both must be tired after your trip. I've made tea." William said and then led them back into the lounge after releasing Nikki's hand.

As she followed her father into the lounge Helen wondered how she was going to go about this. Should she wait for the right moment or just do it? It had been such a long time since she'd seen her father she kind of wanted to spend a little time with him before mucking it all up again. Then again she didn't want this looming over her head all weekend either.

"I'll be right out with the tea." William said before heading towards the kitchen.

Once they were alone Nikki slipped her hand into Helen's. "You alright darling?"

"I suppose so." Helen sighed. "I'm not sure how to handle this now that we're here."

Nikki pulled Helen towards her and wrapped her arms around her. "You'll know what to do, love. Try to relax, ok?"

Helen nodded as she hugged Nikki back.

When William returned they all sat down and chatted for a bit. Helen told her father about her new job working with Monica Lindsay's foundation. She was working as an advocate for newly released women, as well as working on a project geared towards at risk kids. Nikki told him about the club and about how she was putting her OU degree to good use by teaching an English class through one of Monica's programs. William talked a bit about his work as well, about the changes and such that a small parish goes through. He enjoyed telling Nikki about Helen as a child and laughed at the look on the young woman's face when he'd told her Helen had been in Girl's Brigade.

"I'll help you with this Dad." Helen said as she helped her father clean up after yet another childhood tale. She glanced at Nikki, who was trying hard not to laugh, and than back at her father.

"Ta lass, but I'll do it." He said with a warm smile. The smile didn't really remind Nikki of Helen's, it was the why his eyes lit up that did. "You and Nikki must be feeling that long train ride by now. The two of you relax a bit."

Nikki smiled. She knew Helen was feeling the strain of not only the trip, but also the reason for it. She watched her lover carefully as Helen moved around the small cozy room. Helen's gaze fell on something on a table near the far wall and then as if she were drawn to it she walked over to it. Nikki followed her over and watched as Helen picked up a silver picture frame. The taller woman looked over her lover's shoulder and had to bit her lip to keep from gasping. The face looking back from the picture looked very much like Helen's smiling face, but there was enough difference that Nikki knew it wasn't Helen.

"Me mum," Helen said softly as she caressed the face beneath the glass.

"She's beautiful." Nikki said as she looked at the picture of the stunning young woman who smiled up at them from the picture. "You look like her."

"Doesn't she?" William said suddenly. He smiled when both young women looked at him with startled faces. "Meaghann had a touch more green in her eyes then Helen. She use to say it was the last wee touch of Ireland in her."

Nikki smiled fondly. Though she looked more like her mother then her father, Helen got the same sweet look on her face when she talked about her mother that William had on his own now.

Helen looked at her mother's picture again before putting it back down. Simply seeing her mother's smile seemed to give the final bit of strength she needed. She's asked her aunt what she'd think her mother's reaction would have been. Fionnula had said that Meaghann would have loved Helen no matter what. That helped as well as Helen turned to look at her father. "Dad, there's something I need to talk to you about."

"I thought you might." William replied as he took a seat in his chair and motioned for Helen to sit near him. "What is it lass?"

Helen glanced at Nikki who gave her a smile. "Dad," Helen said as she sat on the coffee table across from him. "My job isn't the only thing that's changed in my life. I've discovered a lot about myself over the last few years, one of those things being the reason why none of my relationships ever worked out."

"You just haven't found the right lad, Helen." William said as he reached out and patted Helen's knee. "He's out there, I promise. I'm just glad he wasn't Sean." He glanced up at Nikki and added, "Weak little worm that one."

Nikki snorted loudly.

Helen glanced back at Nikki, rolled her eyes, and then looked back at her father. "No Dad, he's not out there." She paused, took a deep breath and then just went for it. "He's not out there, because I've found who I'm meant to be with and he's not a he, she's a she."

William looked at his daughter for a long time as if he hadn't understood her. Then he looked up at Nikki who had moved closer to Helen. He watched as the tall, slender, dark haired woman put her hand on Helen's shoulder. "Helen…"

"I love Nikki very much Dad." Helen said firmly. She was nervous about his reaction, but feeling Nikki close by made her feel better. "And she loves me, and we're planning on having a life together."

William sat there looking at his daughter, his gaze shifting for a second to Nikki and then back to Helen.

"Dad?" Helen said softly when her father didn't say anything for several moments.

"It's a sin, Helen." William finally said, his voice distant but not cold. "For a woman to love another woman in that way…"

"How can love be wrong, Dad?" Helen asked. She felt the first burn of tears in her eyes and the prick of a sharp pain in her chest. "Why should it matter what's between the legs? The only thing that should matter is what's in the heart."

"The bible says…"

Helen shot to her feet and glared down at her father. "The bible is a book of theory written by mortal men! And if you want to get nit-picky about it, it says a man shouldn't lie with another man, it doesn't say a damn word about women, and it never brings in the idea of love. So, don't sit there and tell me…"

"Helen Margaret Stewart! Don't you take…"

"I love you, Dad." Helen said, her voice strong and firm despite the tears streaking her face. "And I love and adore Nikki. We are going to build a life together and you can either accept that or not. It's your choice."

Nikki watched as Helen leaned down and kissed her father's cheek before heading for the doorway. Without a word having to be said she followed Helen. She watched as Helen picked up her bags and opened the front door. She waited, she was even praying that William Stewart would call out and stop his daughter from crossing over the threshold, but he didn't. Nikki sighed. Turning she looked back at William who was still sitting in his chair. "You're a right bloody idiot, aren't you? You're just going to sit there and let your only child walk out like this. Yeah I get that what we are and how we love goes again your righteous beliefs, but how righteous is it to let those beliefs get in the way of you and your daughter?" She looked at him and then over at the picture of Helen's mother. She pointed at it and added, "Her daughter."


	4. Chapter 4

It had taken several months for her father to come around. He called her on her birthday. It was only a ten-minute conversation, if that, but it had been a start. Helen had understood the struggle her father went though, she knew that her love for Nikki contradicted what her father believed, what he preached from the pulpit every week, but what she understood in her head contradicted with what she felt in her heart. For a long time she was angry and hurt that his beliefs, his work, seemed to matter more to him then she did.

It had taken a lot for her father to over come his beliefs on the matter, but when it all boiled down to it, he loved his daughter and only wanted her to be happy. When he'd called to wish her a happy birthday he'd explained that he was trying his best and asked Helen for a little time. She'd given it to him, but held out on holding out hope. She didn't want to feel the disappointment when it all ended up with her and her father never speaking again. Helen had underestimated her father. He had come around and now they were closer then ever. He was even rather fond of Nikki now. One of Helen's favorite things to do was to sit and watch her father and lover debate a piece of literature for hours while polishing off several bottles of wine.

The rift between Helen and her father hadn't been the only drama she and Nikki faced that first two years they were together. Stepping over to her dressing table Helen picked up the framed picture that sat there. It was a group picture taken shortly after Yvonne and Barbara's releases from Larkhall. She had known that there would be no complete sever from their pasts at Larkhall. Nikki had formed very strong friendships with the women there; they had become her family. Barbara had been the closest thing to a mother Nikki had since her own mother had sided with her father and thrown her to the streets as a young teen. Yvonne had been something of a big sister to Nikki and still acted like it much to Nikki's annoyance. Then of course of there'd been the Julies and Denny, and even Crystal Gordon. The memory of nearly losing them and her other friends still sent shivers down Nikki's spine, just like the way it knotted Helen's stomach when she thought about that awful day. Though she'd pretty much cut out all connections from that part of her life for a time, Helen had still had friends and collogues in the prison service. Even her and Karen had managed to revive their friendship after Karen had come to her senses. Helen wasn't normally the type to take pleasure from the anguish of others, but she had to admit that when Karen had said she'd been right all along when it came to Fenner, Helen had felt more then a bit smug. Knowing that she could have missed out on Karen's friendship or on Yvonne's, or Barbara's, made Helen's heart hurt. Knowing that it was all because of some selfish little git and a love struck moron still managed to piss her off.

* * *

Helen reached into the fridge for the small carton of heavy whipping cream only to draw back an empty carton. Glancing over at the sauce she'd started and then down at the empty carton she huffed. It was just her luck to be out when she really needed something. Setting the carton aside and turning off the heat to the sauce she padded through Nikki's small flat to the lounge where Nikki was getting caught up on some paperwork.

"Sweetheart," Helen said sweetly as she came into the room. "We're out of cream, could you go and pick…" The Scotswoman stopped mid-sentence at the sight of Nikki. The taller woman was sitting on the couch staring at the television and paling rather quickly. "Nikki?"

Nikki continued to watch the screen, the presenter's voice becoming a shrill hum.

"The fire is centered in the library of the G-wing of the prison." The voice said as images of Larkhall appeared on the screen. "Reports coming in from HMP Larkhall say that the fire was the result of some kind of explosion which took place during the prison's open day; an attempt to gain community and government interest as a way to ward off privateers."

Helen sank slowly onto the couch beside Nikki as she watched the news report. There'd been an explosion at Larkhall? There was a fire in the library? What was going on? Images, faces of the women she'd met while she worked there, flashed through her mind. Reaching over Helen took Nikki's hand and held it tightly.

"We now have confirmation from someone in the prison service that there are indeed several women still trapped inside G-wing's library." The news presenter said. "However, there's still no official word from wing governor Karen Betts or Larkhall's governing governor Neil Grayling."

When she heard the sharp intake of air coming from Nikki Helen squeezed her hand again. Everything she was feeling must have been doubled even tripled for Nikki. She'd known those women, worked with them, for them, but Nikki had lived with them, she'd been their friend, she had shared their lives. So many questions rushed around in Helen's mind. Who was trapped? What were they doing to get those people out? All thoughts stopped suddenly when one thought made it's way to the forefront. Nikki could have easily been one of the one's trapped if she'd been there. The library had been one of Nikki's favorite places to be and the once place Helen could always count on finding her.

"Why aren't they saying who's still trapped?" Nikki suddenly asked. Her anger and fear were clear in her voice and the slight tremble of her shoulders.

The sudden sound of Nikki's voice made Helen jump. "They can't." She explained as she turned her head to look at Nikki. "Not until after it's all over."

"Why?" Nikki snapped. "What if Babs, or the Julies, or Yvonne, or Denny…"

Helen shifted so she could wrap her arm around Nikki's shoulder. "If something, God forbid happens then families will need to be notified. If they were to release names now it could land them in a legal mess."

Unshed tears welled in Nikki's eyes as she continued to watch the news report helplessly. "How could something like this happen?"

"I don't know love." Helen said as she watched as well. She might not have been as close as Nikki was to some of the women, but she had gotten to know several and she was worried, even scared for them. She also had a handful of friends who still worked in Larkhall, and they hadn't said if the women trapped were all prisoners or not. There was just too much they didn't know and it made Helen feel helpless, and Helen really hated feeling helpless. Getting up suddenly she went over and snatched Nikki's cordless phone from its cradle.

Nikki watched Helen as if the other woman were moving in slow motion. "What are you doing?"

"I've still got connections in the service." Helen replied. "I'm going to see what I can find out." As she stepped out of the room Helen dialed a familiar number. She kept glancing back at Nikki but knowing her love was safe and sound didn't seem to ease the knot in her stomach. "Hello Christian? It's Helen Stewart. Yes, I've just seen the news report. I was hoping you could... Chris, I spent three years in G-Wing, I have an emotional attachment to those women, not to mention the staff. Please Chris, I'd be grateful for anything, anything all. Yes, yes, thanks Chris."

Nikki continued to watch the news broadcast even though they'd moved on to something else. Her mind kept drifting back to the women she'd left behind. Barbara, despite their rough start, had become something of a segregate mother to her. Yvonne had become an older sister, and the Julies were like her favorite aunts. With Denny, who Yvonne had kind of adopted, they'd all crafted a family out of each other. She couldn't lose that. She couldn't lose them.

"They don't know who's still trapped yet." Helen said softly as she came over and sat next to Nikki. "Christian's going to ring me back when he has more information. Karen's keeping this closed off from the outside for now. What he did manage to find out was that it was some kind of an escape attempt."

Nikki blinked. "Who?"

"Don't know yet." Helen put her arms around Nikki and held her tight.

The night passed slowly as they waited for Helen's contact to call. When the phone did finally ring they both jumped. Helen didn't bother to leave the room this time she simply sat there and listened. When she hung up she looked at Nikki and carefully weighted the best way to tell her what she'd just been told. "Nikki…"

"Who?" Nikki asked as she took in Helen's expression. There was a touch of sadness in those hazel eyes that told Nikki more then words could. Someone hadn't made it out of the library.

Helen swallowed the painful lump in her throat as she replied, "McKenzie, Tina Purvis, Buki, two new women named Conner and Tyler, Grayling, Denny, both Julies, and, Barbara were trapped but got out. They're all in hospital wing or in hospital proper."

"Who didn't make it Helen?" Nikki asked. Hearing that Barbra had been trapped, but made it out sent a crash of emotion through Nikki. When she noticed the look Helen was giving her she added, "I can see it in your eyes." Reaching out the dark haired woman gently traced the faint winkle caused by the pinch at Helen's eyes.

It wasn't fair. She was just a kid; she had her whole life ahead of her, so much promise that would never be achieved. Tears welled in Helen's eyes as a lump formed in her throat. She'd worked with her one on one; she'd gained her trust and helped her as best she could and now… "Shaz."

Nikki was quiet for a moment and then her anger got the better of her. "How did this happen?!"

Helen shook her head. "The details are still sketchy, but apparently someone tried to escape and the blast was meant to be a distraction."

"Who?" Nikki demanded. Helen shrugged and shook her head again. "Doesn't matter." Nikki said angrily. "Whoever she is, she's as good as dead. The girls inside will make sure of it."

Helen looked at Nikki for a long moment. She wanted to believe that Nikki was exaggerating but deep down she knew she wasn't. She knew what some of the women in Larkhall were capable of. This had been an attack on some of their own on their own turf and she knew just as well as Nikki that this transgression would not go unpunished.


	5. Chapter 5

They almost lost their friends, people who'd become family to them both over the years, and all because some stupid cow tried to escape after setting up Yvonne. Thinking about it still made Helen angry. That had been a hell of year at Larkhall and she'd been glad she and Nikki were as far from it all as they could get. Barbara had temporally lost her hearing; Yvonne's son had been involved in the whole explosion mess, at one point Fenner had been wing governor, followed by Sylvia Hollamby. After Karen had been reinstated as wing governor the same woman who'd blown up the library had taken her hostage and escaped, but was recaptured. For a month after hearing that bit of news, Helen would catch Nikki looking at her with that "It could have been you" look that she'd been giving Nikki herself not long before.

Things at Larkhall had only gotten worse from there. Yvonne's son died, she and Nikki had gone to the funeral. It had been the first time they'd seen Yvonne since they'd left Larkhall and it had meant so much to the older woman to see Nikki there. She'd even given Helen one of those crooked smirks and nod of her head. Then they found out Julie S had breast cancer and that had opened up a lot of baggage for Helen.

Helen had been pretty young when her mother had died but watching the cancer eat away at the once strong woman would be something Helen would never forget. Every night before for as long as Helen could remember her mother came into her room to tuck her in. Every night she would sing a lullaby to her in Irish. When her mother grew to weak to get out of bed Helen went to her every night, and when her mother grew to weak to sing Helen sang. The night her mother died, her father had given her a music box that her mother had had made for her when they'd found out just how sick she was. For a long time Helen cried herself to sleeping listening to her lullaby's melody as it played from that little box.

So when Nikki had told her about Julie S. and how she was reacting to the news of her cancer, Helen had had mixed feelings. She wasn't sure she could be of any help to Julie S. but then she thought of the other woman's young son. It was wanting to spare him the pain she felt that finally got her to agree to go with Nikki the first time they went to see her in hospital.

* * *

"Julie," Karen said after parting the curtain that gave Julie S. some privacy in the shared ward. "Are you feeling up to a visit?"

The small blond woman looked ragged and tired but smiled as best she could. "Did you bring Jules with you?"

Karen smiled, "No, but I think you'll like this surprise."

"Surprise?" Julie S. asked.

Stepping out from around the curtain and Karen, Nikki smiled brightly as she held a bouquet of flowers she'd picked from her garden. "Hiya Jules." She said as she stepped towards the bed. "How'ya doin'?"

"Nikki!" Julie S. said with a bright smile as the taller woman leaned down carefully to hug her.

Nikki had never seen Julie S. look so weak and fragile. It was even harder to see the dimness in her normally bright and vibrant eyes. It was hard for her to take in, but she kept smiling despite the sting in her eyes. "Miss me?"

"You have no idea." Julie S. replied as she held tightly to Nikki's hand after her friend had sat down on the edge of her bed. "What are you doin' here, Nikki? How'd you…"

Nikki looked over her shoulder at Helen who was standing where Karen had been a moment ago. "Helen made a few calls."

Julie S. looked past Nikki and over at her former wing governor. "Hiya, Miss Stewart." Her smile was still bright even thought she looked shocked to see her standing there.

"Hello Julie." Helen said as she came closer. "And it's just Helen now, I'm not your governor anymore." She smiled as she placed a box of Julie's favorite sweets on the bedside table, and then reached out to put her hand on Nikki's shoulder. "In fact, I was hoping we could be friends now that we don't have that over our heads."

Julie took in the way Helen stood by and touched Nikki and that brightened Julie up even more. For the first time since she'd found the lump, she generally laughed. "I knew you two were meant for each other." She said with a firmness that made Helen smile. "It was in Nikki's leaves. Jules never believed it would happen. She's just gonna love this!"

"Leaves?" Helen asked with a raised brow.

Nikki laughed, "Jules musta read my tea leaves."

Julie nodded with a grin. "Couple of times just to make sure I was getting it right. I would have loved to have read yours," She paused and then smiled. "Helen."

After Julie explained how she read tea leaves which allowed her to see a persons future, and how she'd seen that Nikki had found her soul mate in the most unlikely place, they chatted for a little while before Nikki said, "I heard you gave the girls a hard time about this. You didn't even call David?"

Julie shook her head, "I don't want him to worry."

"He loves you, Julie." Nikki said softly as she held Julie's hand. "We all do. You and Julie J, Yvonne and Denny, me and Barbara, we're a family and we're all going to be there for you. Goes for Helen too."

When Julie looked at her, Helen nodded and smiled. "When you're all out and free, we're going to through the biggest bloody party London's ever seen."

Nikki nodded, her smile bright. "Which means you have to bet this, Julie. David needs you, Rhiannon and Marin need their Auntie Julie, and so will any other little bits that come around."

Julie looked between Helen and Nikki and smiled weakly. She was getting tired, but she didn't want them to leave. "I'll be fine, Nikki, you'll see."

They were able to visit with Julie for a half an hour more before Karen said they had to go. They both promised to come back before Julie went back to Larkhall, and Julie promised she'd think about what they said.

Helen was awfully quiet on the ride back to her flat. Her mind was rattled with memories that she hadn't thought about in years. Seeing Julie S. in that hospital bed because of breast cancer brought back everything she'd gone through with her mother. She'd been all of twelve when her mother had been diagnosed. The cancer had been pretty advanced by the time they'd caught it, her mother had fought as hard as she could but in the end it had just been to little to late. She'd been fourteen when her mother had finally lost her battle.

"Helen?" Nikki said carefully as she watched Helen out of the corner of her eyes. "Baby, you ok?"

"Yes." The smaller woman replied softly.

"It really meant a lot to Julie and me that you came." Nikki said as she drove Helen's car through London. "I know how hard that must have been for you."

Helen looked over at Nikki with the faint shimmer of tears in her eyes. "I've been thinking about her a lot lately. I find myself wondering what she'd think of me, of how I turned out, about what she'd think of you, of us."

"What did you come up with?" Nikki asked as she took Helen's hand in hers while keeping her other on the wheel.

The Scotswoman was quiet again for a few minutes and then replied, "I think she'd be happy that I was happy. I also think she'd like you a lot. She had a wicked sense of humor and an even more wicked temper when she was pushed." Helen smirked. "Just like you."

The smirk let Nikki know that Helen would be ok, so she smiled. "You calling me a hot head, Stewart?"

"Damn right you're a hot head, Wade." Helen replied as she squeezed Nikki's hand. She didn't talk much about her mother to anyone, but with Nikki she felt as if she wanted to tell her everything. "Can we head to Hyde Park?"

"Sure darling." Nikki replied as she tried to figure out the best way to get to their new destination. "Any special reason we're going?"

"I just feel like taking a walk." Helen answered as she turned to look at Nikki. She gave her lover a warm smile before turned her head the other way so she could gaze out the window for a while.

As they walked around the park Helen told Nikki about her mother. There were times when she was so over come with emotions that they needed to stop so she could catch her break and sort out her feelings. At the end of it though she did feel a lot better and sharing so much with her lover made her feel closer to Nikki. She knew Nikki felt the same way when the taller woman thanked her so sweetly and sincerely for sharing so such a special part of herself with her like that. The two women simply sat on a bench near the up-side-down tree for awhile before finally deciding to head home.


	6. Chapter 6

Author's Note: First off, I want to say thanks to JrBenson and Skyyblufem for their reviews. :) and don't worry you two, I will finish At the Speed of Life.

Second. I'm going to try and stick to the show as much as I can when and if what happens in seasons 5 and 6 have any reason to be added. Though we've only gotten up to 6 here in the states. This has one exception. Yvonne. I won't give away more incase people haven't seen the end of 5, but if you have you'll know what I've decided to change in my world. :)

and now the story. Oh, and if it's been a little confusing, the line breaks indicate a time switch. I normally start in the present and then switch to the past. Hope that helps. :)

~Reese.

* * *

After their walk in the pack that day Nikki had become the only person Helen could talk openly with about her mother. She couldn't really talk to her father about her mother because the look of raw pain in his eyes was just too much. She'd been a little leery of talking to Nikki too at first, given her own parental past, but she shouldn't have worried. Nikki still thought of her parents, but she'd moved on a long time ago. It also helped that Nikki had Barbara to turn too.

As Helen stepped out of her bedroom the ring of her cell phone drew her back in. She hurried over to the nightstand where it vibrated towards the edge and snatched it up before it had a chance to fall. "Hello. Barbara, I was just thinking about you." Helen laughed as she sat on the edge of the bed. "No, just feeling kind of nostalgic this morning. Yeah, it probably is because of the party tonight. Everything's all set up at the club. Nikki and I are heading down later to double check."

As she continued to talk to Barbara about her and Nikki's plans for the day, she glanced down at her left hand. She'd have to get her nails done before tonight, but the state of her nails wasn't what caught her attention. It was the sparkle on her ring finger. Christmas had always been one of Helen's favorite times of the year and Nikki had only gone and made it better.

* * *

London at Christmas was one of Helen's favorite things in the whole world. There was just something bright and new about the grand old city when it was all dressed up for the holidays. She and Nikki had spent the morning cuddling in front of the Christmas tree in her flat opening gifts at a leisurely pace. Helen loved the way Nikki tore into her packages, the way her eyes lit up when she cracked open a Christmas cracker, the silly way she looked sporting the little paper crown. Helen had lost a lot of her holiday spirit when her mother died, but Nikki had brought it back full force. This was their third Christmas together but it still felt as special and as intimate as their first.

"Looks like we're done, sweetheart." Helen said softly as she looked around at the mess. There was wrapping paper and boxes all over the place. She fingered the new necklace Nikki had given her and then leaned over to kiss her lover softly on the lips. "Thank you, Nikki."

Nikki smiled brightly, her eyes as bright and sparkly as the new diamond posts in her ears. "Don't thank me yet, darling. There's one more present for you." Getting up Nikki reached behind the tree where she'd hidden the last package. She smiled as she palmed the small box.

Helen watched as Nikki pulled something from behind the tree. She would have never thought to hide a gift in the branches and for reason the fact that Nikki had made her laugh. When Nikki was once again beside her Helen just shook her head as her laugh turned into more of a giggle. "Nikki, you've already given me such lovely things. You're going to spoil me."

"I like spoiling you." Nikki replied as she held out the small package wrapped in red and green plaid paper with a matching bow. "Go on, open it."

After pulling off the bow and peeling away the paper, Helen found herself holding a little black velvet box. She looked at it and then up at Nikki who's eyes were as bright as the new morning sun. She also noticed that her lover seemed to be holding her breath. Looking down at the box again Helen's hands shook a little as she opened it. For a split second she told herself she was getting flustered over a pair of earrings, but when the box opened with a soft crack at the hinge she gasped. Nestled inside was the most stunning diamond ring Helen had ever seen. She looked up at Nikki who was biting her lip. "Nikki?"

"Marry me, Helen?" Nikki asked, her voice low and soft, her tone almost reverent. "I want to spend forever with you. I want us to be a family. I want to get old with you and tell you how sexy you're walker makes you. So what do you say Stewart? Will you marry me?"

There was no hesitation. There was no over thinking and analyzing everything to death. There was just a simple answer. The only real answer Helen could possibly give. "Yes, Nikki, I'll marry you."

* * *

Standing at the window of the room she was using in her aunt's B&B, Helen watched as the final touches were being handled down on the beach. After the holidays were over and done with it didn't take her and Nikki long to figure out what they wanted. Simple, romantic, and intimate had been words on both of their lists. It wasn't until she was talking to her aunt about it that the thought of a beach wedding had come to her. Nikki had loved the idea and the next few months had been spent planning it. Now that the day had come, Helen found it all a bit surreal.

"Helen love," Her aunt called out after knocking on the door before opening it. "It's almost time."

Helen turned to look at her aunt and smiled softly at the dark haired woman who had the same stunning green eyes her mother had had.

Fionnula smiled brightly as she came over to her niece. She caressed Helen's cheek after looking her over. Helen was wearing an ivory chiffon gown. It had silver beaded spaghetti straps, a deep v-neck shaped neckline, and a silver crystal embroidered bodice with an empire waist that hugged Helen perfectly. There were matching embellishments and cut-away panels at the waist, while the skirt was slim yet swept into a small train. "You look absolutely stunning, sweetie."

"Do you think Nikki will think so?" Helen asked as she turned to give herself one last glance in the mirror. She'd been growing her hair our and it now just barely spilled over her shoulders in soft waves.

"Ack! Don't be daft you silly girl!" The older woman replied as she watched her niece's reflection. "She's going to think you're the most stunning creature in the whole world."

Helen smiled as she turned to face her aunt again. "Thank you so much Aunt Nuala, for everything you've done for us."

The dark haired Irishwoman just smiled as she replied. "You're my wee lamb, Helen, seeing you happy makes this old heart of mine happy. Besides, you and Nikki did most of the planning. I just offered the setting. Though I think the perfect weather was more you're ma's doing then mine."

Helen turned towards the window again and sighed. She always felt her mother's absence, but today she felt it so badly it hurt.

Fionnula hugged her niece from behind as she said, "She's with you, Helen, she's here."

All Helen could do was nod.

In another room Nikki paced back and forth until the door opened. Then she jumped from the surprise of it.

"Are you alright, Nikki?" Barbara asked.

"Nervous as bloody hell." Nikki replied. "I could really use a smoke."

"There's nothing to be so nervous about, Nikki." The older woman with a warm smile as fixed the collar of Nikki's shirt. "Are you ready to go down stairs?"

"Is everything ready?" Nikki asked, returning the smile.

Barbara nodded. "Everything's in place, including Henry, all we're missing is our brides."

Nikki took a deep breath and then turned to do one last check of her appearance. She had on an Armani suit and silk shirt that Barbara said would match Helen's dress perfectly since it was just a touch darker but still managed to remain ivory. Slipping on her jacket and making sure she had undone just enough buttons to be sexy but not enough to be slutly at her own wedding she turned to her friend and smiled. "Ready."

Nikki's brown eyes went wide as she watched Helen walk down the beach on her father's arm. She was absolutely stunning. She was taken by the sight of her love as she drew near that Barbara had to lean in and remind her to breath. Once Helen was at her side Nikki simply whispered, "You're beautiful, Helen."

Helen smiled, a pink flush coloring her cheeks. "So are you."

Henry, Barbara's husband, had agreed to do the service when Nikki had asked him because he knew that Barbara saw the young woman as a daughter. It wasn't a true wedding since it wasn't all together legal just yet, but as far as he was concerned it was as real as they came. After going through the standard bits he announced that both Helen and Nikki had something to say to each other. "Nicola, go ahead."

Nikki bit her bottom lip for a moment and then looked into Helen's eyes as she took her hands in her own. "Helen. A while ago we stood together in what feels like another lifetime now, and I told you that you were my hope." The current setting, it's meaning, and the memory of that day in Larkhall's library all made it hard for Nikki to hold back her tears. "You're still my hope but you're also so much more. You're my joy, my happiness, and everything in between. You believed in me when no one else did. You fought for me when I wouldn't even fight for myself. We put each other through hell and more, but we made it through and came out stronger on the other side. I love you Helen, I loved you then, I love you now, and I'll love you forever."

As tears rolled down Nikki's cheeks, Helen reached out to wipe them away before taking her hands again. She waited until Henry said it was her turn, taking the moment to get her thoughts and emotions in order. "Nicola. You turned my bloody world upside down and inside out when you came into it." Helen paused for a beat before going on. "Thank you. You forced me to be honest with myself; and in doing so you helped give me back my freedom and my life too. A life that I want to spend with you. I don't just want a woman, Nikki, I want you, now and forever. I love you, Nicola Wade."

There wasn't a dry eye in the crowd. Even Helen's father brushed quickly at his cheek. After they exchanged rings Henry smiled big and bright as he looked over the crowd. When he announced them as being married and as Helen and Nikki sealed their commitment with a searing kiss, their friends and family exploded into cheers and wild applause.

The ceremony had begun at sunset and dusk was just settling in. As the couple made their way into the crowd there was a sudden loud boom heard from out in the water just behind where Henry still stood. Helen and Nikki both jumped as they looked up to see the skies filled with brilliant fireworks.

"What the…" Helen started.

Nikki smirked.

Barbara smiled. "Yvonne sends her love and best wishes."


	7. Chapter 7

There was a content smile on Helen's face as she headed down the hall. She wasn't sure what it was that triggered this trip down memory lane, but she was rather enjoying it. It still managed to amaze her that she and Nikki were still together and still going strong. It's not that she ever doubted it. It was more that she never imaged being so happy, or really having a life like this, the good and the bad cause heaven knew that Nikki Wade was not the easiest person to live with.

"Helen!" Nikki's voice bellowed up the stairs. "Breakfast's ready get your arse down here!"

Bright hazel eyes rolled as Helen opened the bedroom door that was just down and across the hall from her and Nikki's. "We'll be down in a minute! Just keep you're knickers on, Wade!"

"And what fun is that?" Came the reply.

Helen laughed as she stepped into the room. The walls were pained in a light blush rose color that made the room warm and inviting. The various pictures and plush wall mounts gave the room a fun splash of color and the light wood of the future just seemed to pull it all together nicely. She wondered for a moment about how long the room would remain like this and what its occupant would change it into when she was old enough.

Walking over to the crib Helen looked over the railing at the sleep-fogged gaze of the twenty month old who was looking up at her. Helen's eyes twinkled as her smile brightened. "Good morning, sweetie. Are you ready to get up?"

The little girl blinked bright hazel eyes that had flecks of brown before pushing herself up off the mattress. Her wavy mane of auburn hair went in every direction as she tried to brush it off her face with her blankly clutched in her fist. With her rabbit clutched in the other fist she rubbed her eyes before holding her arms. "Out, Mummy." She demanded. Much like her mother, she was not a fan of mornings.

Helen picked her daughter up and laughed when she felt the little girl's death grip wrap around her neck. She rubbed the little girl's back as they headed downstairs. In return she got a loving snuggle as the baby rested her head on her shoulder.

Nikki beamed when she saw Helen and their daughter enter the room. "Aww, is someone still sleepy?"

"Nikki, don't tease." Helen warned with a chuckle.

Stepping closer to them Nikki reached out and brushed hair out of the baby's face. "Are we grumpy this morning Meggie?"

Meaghann Nicole Wade-Stewart gave her mother a dirt look before hiding her face in her other mother's hair.

Nikki laughed. "She get's that from you."

Helen huffed at Nikki as she continued to rub Meaghann's back. "It's not our fault you can wake up early and be bright and bushy tailed."

"Side effect of prison life." Nikki replied as she poured milk into a sipper cup while Helen settled Meaghann into her high chair. "The waking up early part that is. Waking up beside you is what makes me all bright and chipper."

A smile tugged at Helen's lips as Nikki pulled her into a hug and then a soft kiss.

"Mam!"

Nikki smirked as she pulled away from Helen so she could look at their daughter. "Yes my darling?"

Meghann pointed to the little red bowl she knew was hers. "Mine, omeal."

"Oh, so now you want breakfast." Nikki teased as she got the bowl and matching little spoon. "Alright my darling, but what do you say?"

"'ease Mam." Meaghann beamed. When her mother set the bowl down she smiled a little and said, "Ta."

Helen leaned against the counter and watched Nikki and their little girl. Meaghann had been born after spending over a year trying to get pregnant. Helen had wanted to be the one to carry and Nikki had no problem agreeing. So just barely six months after their wedding they'd gone in for their first IFV. It hadn't worked and neither had the second, or the third. Three failed attempts within a short span of time had taken its toll on Helen. Nikki had wanted to put off trying again for a while but Helen wanted to give it one more go. She also wanted to change the donor they were using. The first attempts had been with an anonymous catalog donor, which had bothered Helen from the start. She really wanted their baby to be as close to really being theirs as possible. So she'd broached the subject of asking Nikki's older brother, who she'd been rebuilding a relationship with over the last couple of years. Nikki had been touched by Helen's plea and had to admit she liked the idea of their child sharing their genetics even in this detoured kind of way. Much to Nikki's surprise and Helen's excitement Augustus agreed. Helen had her fourth IFV done in November.

* * *

Helen felt an odd sense of deja'vu as she and Nikki cuddled in front of the Christmas tree. Had it really only been two years since Nikki had surprised her with an engagement ring and proposal? A gleaming smile lit up her face as she thought about how she was about to turn the tables on her lover.

"What?" Nikki asked after noticing the strange yet lovely look on Helen's face.

The smile on the Scotswoman's face became brighter as she reached under the tree for one last gift. "Nothing." She replied coolly before handing Nikki her next gift. "I think you'll really like this one."

Nikki, always a kid at heart when it came to opening gifts, ripped into the paper and tossed it aside. She slid the top of the box off and the ruffled around in the tissue paper until she pulled out a book. She smiled, Helen always got her a book; it had become a tradition between them. Then she blinked when she really looked at it. It was more of an album then a book. It was a cream colored album with places for two pictures and an engraving plate.

When Nikki looked up at her with a questioning gaze in her beautiful brown eyes, Helen simply said, "Open it."

So Nikki opened it. On the first page in Helen's graceful handwriting were two dates. December 18th 2006 – Mummy Helen finds out she's pregnant. December 25th 2006 – Mummy Helen wishes Mummy Nikki a Happy Christmas and tells her that they're going to have a baby. Nikki blinked again. When she lifted her head to look at Helen, Helen was smiling with tears welling in her eyes. "We're…"

Helen nodded. "We're going to have a baby, Nikki."

Setting the baby book aside gently Nikki grabbed Helen and pulled her close. She wrapped her arms around her lover and kissed her as her own tears rolled down her cheeks.

* * *

Sitting on the sofa in the lounge of their new home, which was finally starting to feel like home months after they'd moved in, Nikki looked at the sonogram picture of their little girl. She couldn't believe it, a little girl; a beautiful little girl who she hoped had Helen's eyes. She tightened her hold on Helen, who was leaning against her napping as she simply gazed at the picture. They'd been going back and forth on names for months but now that they knew what the baby was, only one name kept rattling around in Nikki's head.

"Darling," Nikki said softly, "are you asleep?"

"No, just resting. You're daughter has discovered a fondness for kicking me just as I'm about to fall asleep. She clearly has your sense of humor. After she wakes me up, I swear I can feel her laughing."

Nikki smirked. When the heartburn kicked in and kept Helen within reach of the milk carton the baby was her child. When the morning sickness kept her in the bathroom at all odd hours of the day, the baby was her child. Now that the baby was big enough to be crowding Helen's insides, every time the Scotswoman had to pee the baby was her daughter. Nikki couldn't help but laugh.

"Well, I'm glad you think that's bloody funny." Helen huffed, though she couldn't hide her own small smirk.

"Maybe she'll be a footballer when she grows up." Nikki said as she glanced at the sonogram. "It kind of looks like she has long legs."

Helen titled her head at an odd angle so she could look as well. "Maybe she'll be a dancer or a professor, or a doctor, or…"

Nikki laughed. "Why don't we let her be born before we start filling out apps for Uni."

"I'm not sure I can wait much longer, Nikki." Helen said as she shifted so she could put her head in Nikki's lap. She caressed her swollen stomach as she added, "I want to meet our daughter."

Brown eyes looked down into hazel and Nikki felt her heart melt all over again. Leaning down carefully she kissed Helen. When she sat up she said, "Helen, I've been thinking."

"Oh?" Helen asked as she took Nikki's hand and started playing with her fingers. She loved the feel of Nikki's hands. After a few moments she placed that gentle yet strong hand on her belly and then covered it with her own. "And what have you been thinking about?"

Nikki bit her lip, suddenly unsure of expressing her idea.

"Sweetheart?" Helen questioned when she saw the hesitation. "What is it?"

Nikki swallowed before saying, "I've been thinking about her name."

Helen smiled warmly. "You have, have you?"

"Yes." Nikki said, paused, and then added. "What would you think about naming her after your mum?"

Hazel eyes blinked several times before Helen finally replied. "Oh Nikki." Sitting up as best she could, which actually required a little help from Nikki, Helen turned and shifted so she could look into her lover's eyes. "You want to name her Meaghann?"

Nikki nodded. "I just thought, ya know, your Dad's going to get to be grandpa, and well I just thought this would be a way to include her too."

Tears welled in Helen's eyes. "What about your mother?"

"My mother made her choice. She chose to leave my life, not once but twice." Nikki would always be grateful to her brother for trying to mend things between her and their parents, just as she'd always be grateful to Helen for knowing it hurt her a lot more then she let on when they rejected her again. "Your mother didn't have a choice. She shouldn't have to miss out."

Helen's reply was to kiss Nikki with enough emotion that it left them both breathless.

* * *

She was so tiny and perfect. Sitting up in her hospital bed holding her child in her arms seemed almost surreal to Helen. All the fear and pain from mere hours ago were nothing more then distant memories. The only thing Helen could think of was the amazing little girl asleep in her arms. Everything about her was perfect, her tiny hands with their ten tiny fingers, and her tiny feet with their ten tiny toes, the gossamer shock of red hair, and the tone of her skin that matched Nikki's almost perfectly.

"She's beautiful." Nikki said as she reached out to caress the baby's tiny cheek. "I can't believe she's finally here."

"I never knew I could feel like this." Helen said softly. She wondered if her own mother had felt this unexplainable fullness when she'd been born. As her child's eyes fluttered open and Helen looked down into slightly more green hazel eyes with brown flecks, Helen suddenly knew. It was as if she could hear her mother whispering in her ear, and for the first time in a long time Helen could actually feel her own mother's love just as strongly as she felt her own love for her own child.

Nikki reached out and wiped tears off Helen's cheeks. "Darling? Are you alright?"

Helen took hold of Nikki's hand and held it tightly. She brought it to her chest so that it rested between her chest and their baby girl. Helen smiled, "I'm more then alright, sweetheart. I'm so blessed. We're so blessed. Can you feel it Nikki? The difference? Even my love for you is different, it's more…"

"Perfect and complete?" Nikki asked and then smiled when Helen nodded. "We did good Stewart."

"We did really good, Wade."


End file.
